Photo Day....

I promised myself that I would make a bit of an effort to increase the posts in this blog.  One way I am going to do that is to just do a few 'Photo Days'.  I constantly take pictures, they not only document everything but they also provide endless inspiration and Happy.  I hope you enjoy these peeks into our world!

Once the ground was cleared we started working on the garden space.  Digging up willow stumps and the larger rocks, removing trash and snowmachines and the larger stones.

So of course a few days later it snowed heavily for a couple days.  Cause I almost forgot I lived in the arctic.  Here you can see some of the finished boxes my husband made from salvaged wood.

A polar bear claw pendant, capped in whale baleen and scrimsahwed with a ancient Inupiaq design.  I call this one 'Twist'.  more info and pics at: www.SalmonberryDreams.Etsy.com

Some lichen sunbathing on a rock.  For some reason it looks so exuberant.

My brother picked up the camera and got a shot of me.  We were watching my husband and my brother in law butcher two caribou for transport. 

A American Golden Plover.  Eying me suspiciously.  Because I was acting suspiciously.

A polar bear fur, pearl, seed bead and bone hair pick.  The pearls were leftovers from my wedding.  More pics/info at www.SalmonberryDreams.Etsy.com

Tomato Anxiety....and other random spring things.

A quick update on my mini garden.  My tomato plants have developed something wrong with them.  Their thin baby leaves develop puckered pale spots, that have a little bit of shimmer to them.  The spots spread from the bottom leaves to the top leaves.  Which leads me to think it might be some sort of deficiency.  The weird part is that whatever it is is is only happening to my spoon tomato plants.  Every time I google the ailment it leaves me more confused that anything.  I've made a very diluted mix of epsom salt and aspirin and have sprayed in on a few plants to see if that does anything. I did notice that these plants also grew incredibly tall and wobbly, despite my lowered lights, and they were the only ones to grow that way. 

I feel like such a noob! all nervous and twitchy and confused.

I also have a plastic bin filled with a mix of random types of tomato plants.  I have been snipping the smaller weaker and slow to germinate ones as they have grown.  It feels like a gladiator ring, with me as the emperor, as I watch an incredibly slow fight to the death.  I know I should thin them more but I feel so guilty that I have to do it in the first place.  Next week I'm going to try and separate the healthier ones and give them their own mini pots, and hope some survive the transfer. 

I found out that the gardener voice in my head sounds exactly like my Okie step-grandmother from California, who has two giant green thumbs.  When I was young we would patrol her huge garden and search for snails which she would mercilessly toss onto the road.  She grew a redwood tree in her backyard, and I remember thinking that she had magical powers of some sort to make plants grow like they did.  She referred to any disease of her plants as 'gunk.'  She once gathered salt drowned roses from the sea (I'm sure some people tossed them in for a memorial or something) they were nothing but sad looking parched sticks, but she babied them in rich soil and love and grew several rose bushes from them.  Too bad she never grew tomato plants. 

Mystery illness.  I removed a section and photographed it and put it in my journal. 

My little plants, trying to survive me. 

this is the type of art projects we have in this household.

wolf fur pin.  Art has always relaxed me and comforted me. More pics/info and up for sale at: www.SalmonberryDreams.Etsy.com 

I also collected some cottonwood buds this year and decides to sell some of the balm I made.  It is also known as the balm of gilead.  But I add a bit of chamomile and aloe...we use it on our frostbite and sunburn...which we always get at spring! more info and to purchase visit: www.SalmonberryOrigins.Etsy.com

See why I didn't want to take a picture of my future garden? lol  My husband has been sneaking snowmachine carcasses back there.  Either that or they are breeding.  There is also an argo under that wood.  Once our front yard is cleared of snow this is all being moved to the front. Sometime in the next week. 

While I was taking that last photo I realized that there were several sets of little eyes trained on me.  A flock of these tiny birds were sitting in the bushes watching me.  I was a tiny bit afraid. 

Spring Time at the Gates of the Arctic.....

The moment that I realized it was spring?

I was sipping my first morning cup of coffee, doing that weird blank just-got-out-of-bed stare out the window.  You know the type; unfocused, heavy lidded, that morning limbo gaze that is almost as comfortable as the cup of coffee.  After a minute or two I noticed something odd.  There was something sitting on the pristine snow right outside the window.  It had a weird texture.  An unrecognizable shape.  I stared at it for about five minutes, my mind was having trouble trying to name it.  To tell you the truth I was a tiny bit scared.  It was like seeing an alien, or a mermaid on a distant rock in the ocean, or maybe even odd mole on your foot.  It did not belong.  I stared at it till the coffee was gone and the last sip at the bottom of the cup was ice cold.  My husband came in the kitchen and I glanced away for a moment to greet him...and when I turned back to resume my puzzled stare I instantly recognized it.  A laughed a bit nervously.  A flood of actual relief crested over me.  It was gravel.  Plain old stones peeking through melting snow.

Ah. Spring.  

Spring here in the arctic is not what you would call pretty.  If Winter is a vain, beautiful, mean woman, then spring is an awkward teenager boy covered in acne and all gangly and squeaky.  The snow melts and freezes in quick bursts leaving the ground randomly wet and crunchy at the same time.  Layers of debris and animal poo and things you didn't realize you left in the snow emerge in ugly glory from what was once white and clean.  The willow bushes shed the heavy snow and sit on the horizon looking like a bald mans brand new hair plugs...or maybe barbie hair.  Even the dogs scratch miserably at their shedding fur as it falls off in heavy smelly clumps.  Early spring is uncomfortable and wonderful at the same time.

The weather gets warm enough for me to emerge from my winter hibernation, and I disappear from the modern world at least every other day.  Ice fishing for lake trout and arctic char, trips to the tree line to gather alder bark and cotton tree buds, and general driving around in the melting arctic watching what the animals may be doing.  The sound of chittering squirrels and singing snow birds always makes one smile and laugh. 

It's also when our 'adventure times' begin.  We usually use this term to describe any situation in which we are in the boonies and we will face some type of hardship or we are doing something with a smidgeon of danger.  Just a smidgeon mind you.  Like if a snow machine breaks down and we have to load it on a sled and drag it home.  Or on the way home we encounter a heavy snow blizzard and whiteout conditions.  But sometimes we try something new and these are also 'adventure times'.    Personally I think it's our way of completely refusing to become a complete adult.  As long as I don't get frostbite or end up in water (which has happened once or twice) then it's always said with a grin and high five. 

Some spring time photos.....

Lake Tulugaq has spots that never freeze at all during winter.  My husband and his older brother got a caribou over the hill while I sat at the edge of the lake and tried my luck at fishing. 

At Lake Chandler about 30 miles away, you can see how thick the ice is.

A big danger in the spring is snow blindness.  Northern Alaska natives have physically adapted to combat this, with slanted eyes and brown pigmented eyes.  We still wear sunglasses or eye protection though. 

My husband butchering a caribou in the 'hot' spring weather.  At this time of year the caribou are gathering together in larger herds and are slowly making there way north for the summer.  In our area they will pretty much be gone all summer long.

Adventure Time.  My husband convinced me to take a 'shortcut' over the mountains to lake chandler.  It was crazy, and I decided never to do that again!  It was a series of steep climbs and drops and narrow crooked ravines.  My ears popped at least 8 times because of the quick elevation changes. 

There were several times I had to get off the snowmachine so he could do maneuver the snowmachine better (sometimes my squealing was a distraction).  Here I am posing next to the snowmachine in what I call my 'sleeping bag' outfit, head to toe fluffy down. 

Aunty enjoying the view at the trees.

Bens family has finished building a spring cabin on their property at the trees. 

Niece Josie tells me about hows the weather and temperature has been while they were there.

Josie took a photo of me.  I think she did pretty good.

Josie again with a lake trout that a cousin caught at Lake Chandler.  In the background is a Swedish family friend that has been visiting Ben's family every year for about 17 years.  He has no idea what 'swedish fish' is.  Yes I asked.

Garden update picture!  Some pepper/tomato and echinacea plants. Today they are being put into larger pots that finally got here in the mail! 

An Arctic vegetable garden....the details of stage one.

A while back I had a reader ask me if I was really going to be able to plant a garden here.  The answer is yes!

Of course living where I am living poses some pretty big obstacles,  which meant that I did a lot of research and planning and general milling about in anxiety.  I thought I would share the beginning of this journey! 

Location.  The garden will be located behind our house.  I did find out that there was an elder that grew a  small vegetable garden here but she did it far out of town, to avoid the dust and exhaust.  We decided to use our back yard, which is protected by several buildings, some dense tall willows, and the luck of being shielded from the road by some neat tricks of the wind.  Since we have dried meat there we know that it gets good air circulation, sunlight galore, with very little contamination, which is a must.  Plus it will be closer to monitor and work on!

Cold.  The cold is probably the biggest barrier.  The permafrost layer is not far beneath our feet, and this chills the earth so much that it will prevent or hamper most vegetable plants from growing.  So I will be using above ground warming techniques.  My husband is building several raised beds from wood, in which I will fill with soil from a fertile spot away from town that I know has escaped being contaminated by human beings.  The beds will be taller than what you usually see in most areas, at least a foot high, and long and slim rather than more of a squarish bed.  Having the earth exposed to the warmer air temperatures will keep them warmer.  I also plan to use an army of plastic buckets and bins for the plants that can tolerate being in a container, this will give me the option of moving them inside to a more protected area (in the arctic we call this part of our homes the 'kunnichuck' or 'vestibule' in English.)  Since I plan to have a few water loving plants I am going to try and build a few self watering buckets.  I will also be using some plastic covers to warm the beds before planting and while the seedling are germinating, once they sprout then I will remove the covers.  The cold at the beginning and end of the season will be the problem, but in the summer the temperatures usually get to 80-90 degrees.  The date for the last frost here is June 1st, which gives you an idea of how cold it gets and how short the season is! 

Sun.  Believe it or not the 24 hours a day sunlight will be a problem.  Here the growing season is a very SHORT. And most of that season will include the sun never setting.  This limits the types of plants that I can grow, though I plan to experiment with one: soybean. Soybeans require nighttime, and I have researched several techniques that I am going to try and trick them into thinking it's night time.  Hopefully if it works I can get a good harvest and start creating a plant that will do well here, I am starting with two types of soybean, one of which is a short season plant.  My husband, like so many Natives, is lactose intolerant so a 'milk' source for him would save us a ton of money.  The never setting sun will also make it so that we are watering more than usual. 

Plants.  This was probably the area I spent the most time.  Some of the plants I have chosen are known to do well here.  Some are just experiments. But I seriously think that people should warn you of the incredible urge to BUY.  I seriously think I over bought seed ...but it was FUN.  Such an addicting FUN.  I did set myself a basic rule though: buy only heirloom seed, and buy a couple of really good seed saving guide books...so hopefully next year the seed buying spree will not be as ...big.  I bought seed from several areas: Denali seed company (specializes in Alaska friendly plants), Etsy (some amazing varieties in there!), and a few here and there from more well know large online companies (if I couldn't find the variety I was looking for at the first two places).  I  also bought a soil tester kit, a couple of good fertilizers, some seed starting kits and soil, silica gel packets, and some very cheap growing light bulbs (cause I found I can't afford actual grow lights!).  So what seed did I get?  The list is embarrassingly huge, so I'll try and be brief. 

Hulless Oats - I love oats and will be buying a 'roller' later in the season to make rolled oats to use for food and for my products I sell.  This plant will act as a barrier between plants that might try and cross pollinate.  It will also work to condition the soil, as I will be rotating this crop every year. 

Peas - I have two types: Green arrow and dwarf grey sugar. 

Cabbage - every Alaskan veggie garden has cabbage!  They love sunlight.  I also love kimchi and cabbage soup.

Calendula - works to help keep your garden pest free and I will use the petals in my products.

Onion and chives - evergreen bunching and Alaska loving chives.  Pretty much use onion in every meal. 

Sunflowers - cause OMG you can grow these here!

Spinach - Bloomsdale long standing - got these as a free packet so I will give then a try even though they bolt early in the Alaska sun. Hoping I can get a couple of quiches at least!

Leaf lettuce - grand rapids variety - Probably the plant I will love the most, getting a good salad here is a rare treat and much loved!

Winter squash - gold nugget - I am a bit afraid of squash in general but I thought I would give it a try.  I know I like eating them. 

Radish - oddly enough we love this in some seal oil. 

Herbs - i love cooking.  Love it.  I will be growing Cilatro, Sage, Basil, and Rosemary.  I will have to figure out how much I will actually use in the year and what space they will take to get a feel for this area.

Round carrots - a short cute carrot that I know will go well in seal oil and also the nephews will LOVE.

Peppers - hungarian sweet wax- seems to me that this plant will need to be babied but I want to see how well it will do!

Soybean - Butterbean and edible early hakucho - or experiment one and experiment two as I like to call them

Tomatoes - i fell in love with the idea of tomatoes.  Which is probably why I ended up with so many.  I bought 'spoon' tomatoes, which have a shortish season.  One called 'early wonder' which is also short season, and I received a free packet of a random variety which the seller told me contains several Russian and Siberian varieties. Who can say no to tomatoes?

Sweet corn - well I said to only buy heirloom but when I ran into this variety my curiosity wrestled me to the ground and put me in a headlock.  This variety is called 'Trinity hybrid' (sounds scary I know) and is a short season and short stature corn (it will grow only about 4-5 feet tall).  I am only going to try and plants one small bed with it to see how it does. 

Echinacea - Pretty, and extremely useful. 

Poatatoes - cause it's Alaska.  My husband is going to design a series of boxes that I can stack on top of each other to make a 'potato' box, to get the most yield out of them.  

So that's the list!  I seriously think they should have a Seed Buyers Anonymous, because it took me a while to shake that seed buying fever.  I have every inch of my backyard planned out, and I plan to use some vertical space for my herbs.  So far I have mapped out my lay out, and started the tomato, peppers, and echinacea.  They are pretty little plants sitting next to me here in my lab/office, under the cool light of a full spectrum light bulb.  The stevia did not germinate and I'm thinking it is because I could not get the soil warm enough.  Next year I will give it another try.  Next week I will be transplanting the seedlings to a larger peat pot as they have almost completely taken over the little peat pellet thingies.  At the end of this month I will be starting the Squash.  I have started keeping a journal for my garden and have kept good notes on what I am doing, because I plan to do this every year and I know it will pretty much be a 'learning' year for me.  I told my husband that I expected at least half of our plants to not do very well, he frowned a bit and told me that he will be helping too, which pretty much upped the percentage to at least 80%.  Out of the two of us he has the greenest finger whereas I rely on luck!

Hope this finds all of you warming up in the spring weather! 

Inupiaq Love.....

Since the internet became a part of my life I, and many others, have used it to expand the knowledge others have on our culture.  Back in the 90's it was very depressing what you could find, maybe a page or two, a reference to a paper or book.  I had a friend tell me that 'if you can't find it on the web, there a really good chance that it doesn't exist.'  Which made me laugh and cry at the same time.  Okay maybe it made me laugh the smack myself on the head and rub my temples.

In this journey of adding information to the web I have found myself in many, many debates over my subsistence lifestyle.  One of the biggest and most contended area is of course in the harvesting of animals.  Particularly in what we 'feel' about them.  You ask anyone from our culture how we feel about the animals we harvest and from elder to child we will respond with a simple sentence... "I Love that animal."  I love the Bowhead whale, I love the caribou, I love the wolf and the wolverine, I love the goose and the ducks.  We love these animals.  Sometimes this simple declaration can bring tears to the eyes the emotion is so strong, so deep.  And if you are not from a subsistence culture, which is pretty much almost the rest of the world, you will maybe snort a bit and say..."how can you kill something you LOVE?!"

I think the root of this query is of course a cultural perspective.  I like to call them our 'Culture Goggles."  Many people are unable to see anything beyond what their culture goggles show them.  I like to picture ours as brown and maybe UV resistant.  To us the term 'love' changes.  You can have different 'loves' though they are not less or more.  There is the love for your family, the love for your spouse, the love for your children, the love for your best friend, the love you have for your favorite pet, and the love you have for your history and land.  For most people this is where their culture goggles blinds them, they do not see many other other possible 'loves.' So what happens (I think) is they compare the word 'love' when I say it, to what they are familiar with....and of course they become a bit...appalled. Because they can't imagine experiencing any other type of love.

The closest that I can imagine it would feel akin to what we feel, might be for anyone that might farm or raise cattle or any other type of agricultural experience.  The feeling of love and indebtedness to another being that you care for and have such a deep knowledge of.   And then removing that soul and using it to continue your life, and starting again with the next batch the next year.  It's a bond that very few people can experience in this modern time.  The Western culture has promoted and idea of wealth and health to mean you are completely separate from your source of food, and who can have real feelings for Walmart or Mc Donalds?  This separation is what is worshiped today, like some demi-god.  People revel in the feeling of  being karmically clean because they never see or experience the death of an animal nor have they ever had to dig in the dirt to plant a seed.  Like somehow the distance makes them less indebted.

I think another issue that arises is the effect that ignorance plays in this monopoly game.  In a world where you go to a grocery store and find meat in plastic wrap, where does your knowledge of living a subsistence lifestyle come from?  Maybe a few 1 hour documentaries?  Something you read in a paragraph in middles school? A brief 5 minute video posted by PETA or Greenpeace?  Not to mention the bombardment of misinformation paraded on facebook, the king of 'click if you support' modules.  the point being that there really is no in depth information that is available, and certainly nothing that is 'click of you like me' quick.  People who live a subsistence life find it almost impossible to express what it entails....under 5 minutes.

Most people imagine hunting as walking out of town for half an hour, spotting a lone frightened animal shivering and in awe of our humaness, and smacking on the head with a club or something, walking back dragging the carcass and then presenting it to our fellow hunters with a hoot and smile and evil, evil laughter.  Then we take a photo and post it on facebook.  The problem with this is that in most subsistence cultures if you ask how they got the animal it will be a brief and not very detailed tale.  Simply because these tales are told to other people who are from the same culture and know exactly all the details that are not included.  For thousands of years we as a people have never had to share these intimate stories with people from another culture, and to say that we are lacking in skill in this area is a understatement.  There simply is no class you can take, so to speak.

Another area of gob-smacking ignorance is a very odd type of American acceptable racism towards Native cultures.  I have read many many many paragraphs of peoples reactions to various online encounters with subsistence cultures.  One of the oddest things is how people find it okay to culturally stereotype a scenario.  For example:  On a news report of Barrows first whale of the season a woman from the 'Lower 48' spent quite a bit of time writing about being disapointed in how the remains of the whale was treated.  She went on about how if we really 'respect' whales that we would treat them better as a Native culture.  What was she talking about?  Well they take the bones and put them in those huge metal trash bins.  She assumed that this was because they were throwing them away.  As you can imagine they still had a quite a bit of blood and meat on them, so she assumed it was all meat.  But if you are from the coastal villages you would be aware that they use the bins to transport the bones via tractor to the beach to let the bears clean them so that the bones can be used.  But instead of asking she left Barrow telling the world how horrible they treat animals.  It amazes me that people who have no familiarity with a very, very different culture can have such expectations of how animals should be treated.  It's almost like if you watched Dances with Wolves enough you know exactly how Natives will treat animals in every single subsistence culture.  This type of racism is widely accepted, and never objected to.  it's like me expecting and writing about how disappointed that every lower 48 American doesn't keep a perfect lawn and can you believe there was no white fences?  I watched every single episode of True Blood and have watched every single movie so I know what to expect when I go to Florida....right?

So what does a subsistence life entail you ask?  Well.  I will try to be brief.  Your training starts around the age that you can carry a gun.  Usually a BB gun at first.  You learn to take care of it.  To sight it.  To carry it.  To respect it.  You upgrade to a .22 and go through the same lessons.  You practice for about 7-30 hours a week, either with the gun or just in observing the animal that you are hunting.  At a young age you start with squirrels, which are used for clothing or bait.  You watch them.  Watch them.  Track them.  Observe them when things happen.  If you throw a stick at them what do they do?  What do certain whistles mean?  what does stomping the ground mean?  When do they hibernate? how does their coat change over the year? how many offspring do they have? what eats them?  what do they eat? And a million other amazing details of this singular animal.  You build the map of knowledge about this animal, a huge massive map, that is always continually being added to.   Elders tell you stories about them, your uncle shows you ancient ways to trap them, your mother schools you on the perfect way to skin them for use as clothing.  You become a walking book about that single amazing animal.  You basically earn your Masters degree in Arctic Ground Squirrel before the age of 14. 

And then the real stuff starts.  Your territory expands, you are expected to build you books on every ...single...animal you encounter.  Imagine having 50 Masters Degrees by the time you are 25.  Imagine the dedication you must have to get theses Masters degrees.  The stamina.  And even then this massive amount of knowledge will only give you a slight...slight....edge in hunting. Because most people don't realize, or maybe they don't want to acknowledge, that the animals we harvest....are smart.

I found that when I told people about some of the encounters with the animals we harvest they were incredibly surprised to find out that these animals had brains.  Brains sharpened over the thousands of years interacting with humans trying to hunt them.  As we were developing ways to hunt them, they were developing ways to outsmart us.  It's simple evolution really, but for some reason people assumed that animals are incredibly dumb.  Maybe it's because the only animals they see are in zoos, or maybe because they have been taught in school that humans are at the top of the food chain.  I don't really know why people think animals are dumb and don't evolve.  Caribou release a scent through a gland between their feet and if they are attacked they release a smell that says 'stay away danger' and no other caribou will walk there.  Wolves will teach their young how to spot and dig up traps.  Birds in cliffs will drop stones and create avalanches to try and kill you.  Whales can kill an entire crew simply by flipping the boat over with a flick of their tail.  Every animal has a defense against humans, has the brains to avoid us and even some of them to harm us.  Humans have been interacting with animals for hundreds of thousands of years.

Couple that with the fact that most animals can hurt and/or kill you.  For some reason American  Culture likes to avoid that fact.  Maybe it's the influence of animal society groups.  Maybe it's this weird movement of perfume for your dogs and cat psychics.  But for some reason no one wants to discuss the fact that animals can and will kill you.  And when confronted with this little fact people always seems to lay blame on the human involved.  Whether you are hunting them or not.  They are not weak and harmless beings, and in fact in our culture it is considered rude to imply that an animal is weak and cannot defend itself.  Imagine if everyone around you was calling you weak and dumb and sad.  Yeah it would be rude.  In one year we were attacked probably around 5 times...just driving around in the tundra.  Bears mostly but the one time a moose came after us was probably the most intense experience of my life.  It stalked us for two days straight.  All we were doing was digging up roots to eat.  But in 10,000 years of living here we have pretty much mastered the art of not getting killed by animals. 

Now add to that,the fact that each animal has it's own season.  It could be the two weeks they travel through, or the few months where the coat is prime, or the months the animal is not filled with rutting hormones, or the few months that they are healthy enough to eat...etc etc.   And add to the pot that these seasons change every year, and are vastly controlled by the whims of the ever changing weather, and the little jokes Mother Nature loves to play.

Now add to that that we have to invest time to even find them.  Use our knowledge to guess what they might be doing and where.  Just in this one village alone our 'hunting' grounds are about 300 square miles.  That's about 192,000 acres of land.  And you have to find a single animal, that is trying to avoid you, and that has the brains to do it.  The odds are literally against you, and there are many many trips where hunters leave and come back with nothing.  This is why when people do happen to be able to coax nature in to telling a secret we congratulate them.  It's an amazing piece of luck and timing and knowledge to even encounter an animal and to have the skills to bring it home.

So it's hard, you say. Why do it in the first place? you say....but that does not make you love these animals does it? No but that is part of it.  A good part of it.  How can you know so much about an animal; the way they smell, the silly games their young play, the bravery and skills they have, and not walk away with some respect? we don't just think a wolf is Pretty.  We know their packs personally and can tell individuals by their tracks.  We don't just think whales are Neat, we hear the song they sing when they travel and know the power they hold.  Our knowledge of these animals is all encompassing and spans over thousands of years.

But to us the word 'love' means something else.  Not just knowledge, but action.  And not just 'liking' a photo on facebook action.  But generations of action.  Before our encounter with western statehood we fought for generations to hold these hunting grounds.  And now we fight a different war and do what we can to enable these animals to survive and thrive.  We know from the thousand of years of hunting them that our take doesn't harm them, but we are aware of other things that can and does harm them.  Real threats like encroaching cities, oil development and environmental pollutants.   Threats that also affect our own health and well being, because of how closely we are tied into the ecosystem here.  If you ever want to get a bunch of people riled up and angry and emotional, just mention doing anything to the animals and/or land in the arctic.  The arctic villages are at the forefront of the battle, dealing with the oil representatives personally.  Face to face.  And it's amazing to me what doesn't make it in the papers.  The list of bribes they send to the villagers is amazing in itself.  The parade of people they send to wear everyone down is exhausting.  But no one complains about the task.  Because Love means your actions follow your words.

But the biggest emotion that inspires our love is indebtedness.  The knowledge of and acknowledgment to a being whose life is taken to ensure our lives continue.  And this is hard for some people to understand.  In this modern western culture of separateness from food source they cannot imagine what it is like to have that personal connection to their meals.  In fact my friends have told me that if they hunted their own meals they imagine that all they would feel is guilt and heartbreak.  But in reality you gain an extra....lobe.. in your heart.  A new chunk of soul and feeling and connection.  After living in California for 7 years I came back with a different perspective on subsistence hunting.  And I prefer the feeling of debt and gratitude towards the animals we harvest to the feeling of indifference and fear that you order at KFC or Mc Donalds. This is the hardest thing to express to people not from this culture.  this feeling alone, because it has no analog in the western culture at all.  Nothing compares to it. 

There are a hundred valid reasons for us to continue to live a subsistence life.  It's incredibly incredibly healthy.  It will save our ancient culture.  It saves us massive amounts of money.  It creates a community of giving and unity.  It enables our communities to boast having no starving individuals.  And many other reasons.  But for me it will come down to whether or not I could live without that connection, could I suffer the loss of that extra lobe in my soul.  Just thinking of this possibility fills me with so much fear and loss that it makes my chest hurt and my eyes fill with tears.  And this to me is love.  An Inupiaq Love.   Completely unique.  Exquisitely Exclusive.  And if we take my friends belief to heart, now utterly exists because it exists on the internets. 

A photo of my grandmother, with a pair of boot she made.

My husbands hands work to butcher a caribou in the darkest part of winter, in -20 degree weather.